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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in
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|Friday, February 25th, 2005|
A crusty old paratrooper colonel found himself at a gala event,
hosted by a local liberal arts college. There was no shortage of
extremely young, idealistic ladies in attendance.
One of them approached the colonel for conversation. She said, "Excuse me, sir, but you seem to
be a very serious man. Are you this way all the time, or is something bothering you?"
"No," the colonel said, "just serious by nature!"
The young lady looked at his awards and decorations, and said, "It looks like you have seen a lot of action."
The colonel's short reply was, "Yes, a lot of action."
The young lady, tiring of trying to start up a conversation, said: "You know, you should lighten up a little...relax
and enjoy yourself."
The colonel just stared at her in his serious manner.
Finally the young lady said, "You know, I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but when was the last time you had sex?"
The colonel looked at her and replied, "1955."
She said, "Well there you go, you really need to chill out and quit taking everything so seriously...I mean, no sex since 1955, isn't that a little extreme?"
The colonel, glancing at his watch, said in his matter-of-fact voice, "Oh, I don't know...it's only 2130 now." Current Mood: amused
|Monday, July 19th, 2004|
|Saturday, July 12th, 2003|
|Sunday, July 6th, 2003|
Two delicate flowers of Southern womanhood (one of whom was from Texas) were
conversing on the porch swing of a large white-pillared mansion. The first
woman, who was not from Texas, said, "When my first child was born, my husband
built this beautiful mansion for me."
The Texas lady commented, "Well, isn't that nice??"
The first woman continued, "When my second child was born, my husband bought me
that fine Cadillac automobile you see parked in the drive."
Again, the Texas lady commented, "Well, isn't that nice??"
The first woman boasted "Then, when my third child was born, my husband bought
me this exquisite diamond bracelet."
Yet again, the Texas lady commented, "Well, isn't that nice??"
The first woman then asked her companion, "What did your husband buy for you
when you had your first child?"
The Texas lady replied "My husband sent me to charm school."
"Charm school!", the first woman cried, "Land sakes, child, what on Earth for?"
The Texas lady responded, "So that instead of saying 'who gives a shit', I
learned to say, 'Well, isn't that nice?'"
|Tuesday, June 10th, 2003|
A very attractive lady goes up to a bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestures alluringly to the bartender who comes over immediately. When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face closer to hers. When he does she begins to gently caress his full beard.
"Are you the manager?" she asks, softly stroking his face with both hands.
"Actually, no," the man replied."
"Can you get him for me? I need to speak to him" she says, running her hands beyond his beard and into his hair.
"I'm afraid I can't," breathes the bartender. "Is there anything I can do?"
"Yes, there is. I need you to give him a message," she continues, running her forefinger across the bartender's lips and slyly popping a couple of her fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them gently.
"What should I tell him?" the bartender ages to say !
"Tell him," she whispers, "there is no toilet paper, hand soap, or paper towels in the ladies room." Current Mood: amused
|Thursday, March 13th, 2003|
|Another e-mail joke... Life in Los Angeles
A guy was sitting in an airplane when another guy took the
seat beside him. The new guy was a wreck, pale, hands
shaking, biting his nails and moaning in fear.
"Hey, pal, what's the matter?" said the first guy.
"I've been transferred to Los Angeles, California," he
answered nervously. "They've got race riots, drugs, the
highest crime rate in the country..."
"Hold on," said the first. "I've been in L.A all my life,
and it's not as bad as the media says. Find a nice home,
go to work, mind your own business, enroll your kids in a
good school and it's as safe as anywhere in the world."
The second guy stopped shaking for a moment and said, "Oh,
thank God. I was worried to death! But if you live there
and say it's ok, I'll take your word for it. By the way,
what do you do for a living?"
"Me?" said the first, "I'm a tail gunner on a bread
|Friday, February 21st, 2003|
A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket, and he opened his trench coat and flashed her. Without missing a beat she said, "Sir, I need to see your ticket, not your stub." Current Mood: amused
|Friday, January 24th, 2003|
|A joke I had recieved in an e-mail.
Three men, one German, one Japanese and a Texan were sitting naked in a sauna.
Suddenly there was a beeping sound. The German pressed his forearm and the beep stopped. The others looked at him questioningly. "That was my pager, "he said, "I have a microchip under the skin of my arm."
A few minutes later a phone rang. The Japanese fellow lifted his palm to his ear. When he finished he explained, "That was my mobile phone. I have a microchip in my hand."
The Texan felt decidedly low tech, but not to be outdone he decided he had to do something just as impressive. He stepped out of the sauna and went to the bathroom. He returned with a piece of toilet paper hanging from his behind. The others raised their eyebrows and stared at him. The Texan finally said-------"Well, will you look at that, I'm getting a fax."
|Monday, September 9th, 2002|
If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?
|Friday, September 6th, 2002|
|Sunday, August 11th, 2002|
|Sunday, June 16th, 2002|
I tried to save you from it all and it would have worked; you should have let it drop like they did.
|Wednesday, May 29th, 2002|
A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.
The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to
swallow a human, because even though it was a very large mammal
its throat was very small.
The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.
The teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human;
it was impossible.
The little girl said, "When I get to heaven, I will ask Jonah."
The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?"
The little girl replied, "Then you ask him."
|Sunday, May 26th, 2002|
|Wednesday, May 15th, 2002|
|Thursday, May 9th, 2002|
|Wednesday, May 1st, 2002|
|Thursday, April 25th, 2002|